I have the opportunity to talk to many moms and families weekly. One thing is certain for the families and moms I talk to — it takes a village. And many moms are still looking for their tribe. Building a tribe is still a struggle with all the technology and the advance of our time. We are still seeking but finding it hard to connect and build relationships once we enter motherhood. Oddly, everyone is telling you it takes a village, but no one is telling you how or what it takes to build that tribe of people. Here is the how:
Be open to putting yourself out there. Get involved. Take a day to join something you are passionate about such as a book club, a volleyball team, or a dinner club. It may seem you do not have the time with work, home and children, but it may only be 2-3 hours out of 168 hours in a week. Or try reaching out to a mom you think you may connect with or seem like you like you two may have something in common and ask them to meetup for coffee or playdate. You may have to do this more than one time (in fact, you will a lot of times), but in the end it will be worth it.
Ask for help & let go
In the process of building your tribe, if you are being vulnerable and open. Ask your partner to help you take care of XYZ. Hire a someone to come clean your home once a month. Delegate some office tasks. This helps you free up some of your time to and some of the burden of being a mom. You won’t feel so guilty or feel the stress of doing XYZ when you get home. So, when you have the meetup for coffee you won’t be thinking about the home you have to clean, but instead you took some time to meetup and have coffee with a mom. You aren’t thinking I need to rush home and cook dinner and grab the kids because you asked your partner to handle that today and you can go to dinner club or check out that volleyball team tonight.
If you are doing all the above, you must be patient. It may take some time to build those connections. Some connections are easy to come by and some of them are hard. Also, thinking if you are trying to connect other moms who aren’t putting themselves out there, trying to juggle everything and making no time to connect, it will not work and you may have to move on and find the moms who are trying to connect, who returns your text (even though it may be 2 days you sent that text) , you can be yourself around and makes an effort to reach out.
The benefits of having a tribe are awesome. You will have people to share your burden and vent to because you are not alone. People who are passionate about your passions and you will always have someone to reach out to if your hobby is running, watching football or drinking wine. And if you are in a bind and need someone to watch your child, grab some soup because you are sick to get out of bed or need some girl time you have a tribe to reach out. If nothing else, it is nice to have a friend who is a mom who gets it.
Join us and build your tribe.
Wife and mother of twins. Founder of Pride & Joy Baby Planners and The Expecting Mamas Network.