I had the nicest compliment this weekend while visiting my sister for her bachelorette party. Most of my sister’s friends I met this weekend were either married or in a committed relationship. No one has kids. So, imagine being the only mom in the group of women who in my standards are living a different mindset. I would be seen as the shrewd woman who has kids who couldn’t “hang” with them or have a lot in common.
Even though I knew that was far from the truth, I know there is this notion that moms are not as fun. Either way I was going to be me and I was going to talk about my life and have fun and try to get to know my sisters friends. After 8 hours of being with this young ladies, I got the nicest compliment – You are the coolest mom I know. I am afraid to have kids, but getting to know you I think I can do it. I gave her a hug! I was not being glamorous (not me) or talked only about all the happy, good moments of being a mother. I did not wild out because I didn’t have my kids that weekend (referring to the mom memes). I was being me, mom and all, with a bunch of women who just happen not to be moms and had a good time.
I think as moms we get wrapped up in thinking what we should be, how we should act and how we want people to perceive us. We forget to be us. I feel lucky that I dropped that act a long time ago. Being a mom is not all roses. It is not glamorous unless you are celebrity. Having 2 nannies, time to work out, travel the world with your kids and get paid is glamorous, I don’t care what anyone says! However that is not my life. I love my crazy life and my crazy family. It really is a blessing to have kids and be a mom. Whether you are single or married, have seven kids or one, we all will go through challenges, trials and really REALLY difficult days or moments.
I want all moms to find happiness in motherhood no matter if they are by themselves, with a bunch of moms or with women who are not yet moms themselves? I think if we enjoy ourselves as mothers, whatever that may look like for you, I think judgement and mommy wars would truly cease.
Here are some things I think would help you if you transitioning into motherhood and to be comfortable in your own mom skin—
- LET GO. You are not perfect. You cannot be everything to everyone. You can’t work a 50 hrs week, cook a home cook meal every night, have me time and have quality time with your kids, partner and friends. That’s not possible EVERY week. You will lose your mind.
- HAVE “ME TIME”. Sometimes we need to be alone to have that quiet time to be ourselves. Enjoy being around yourself by yourself. This is also a good time to reflect, do some journaling, read books, enjoy your hobby, knit, relax.
- GET SOME GREAT FRIENDS. You will have to let go of some people. You will have some friends who don’t have kids and some friends who do. You will have to let go people who make you feel bad that you are a mom and make your family priority. It may be easy and it may be hard, but in the end, any good relationship is a give and take and you can’t always give or always take and be happy.
We always really do have two choices in every situation – even in motherhood – smile, laugh and enjoy. Make the best of every moment and keep it moving. Dwelling and worrying to judging does nothing good for nobody.
Happy moms don’t have the best of everything – they just make the best of everything.
Wife and mother of twins. Founder of Pride & Joy Baby Planners and The Expecting Mamas Network.